


letters to you

by rkiveswoo



Category: Produce 101 (TV), UNIQ (Band), UP10TION, X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, I WANT TO CRY, I’m not good at tags, Lowercase, M/M, Sad, Seungyoun, Wooseok - Freeform, Wooshin - Freeform, cho seungyoun - Freeform, kim wooseok - Freeform, seungseok gay, woodz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 11:28:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21015029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rkiveswoo/pseuds/rkiveswoo
Summary: wooseok and seungyoun split up, still having each other's hearts attached. two years later, wooseok's gone. seungyoun's grieving, but not all that wooseok left were tears. he left two letters for seungyoun, two letters that completely shattered seungyoun’s heart.





	letters to you

october 9, 2019

seungyoun's volunteered to collect wooseok's belongings from his apartment. seungyoun didn't actually have to, but a part of his heart told him that he'd regret not doing it in the future.

he's currently stacking up wooseok's collection of books into a box. seungyoun's trying hard to not break down and cry, he's trying really really hard. a lump was forming on his throat and it felt like he was about to collapse.

seungyoun's done clearing up everything except the items in wooseok's bedroom, the room he avoided the most. the door's still locked, only because seungyoun didn't dare go inside while checking the rest of the house. he opens the door and steps into the bedroom. this is where wooseok's scent was strongest. although it had faded in seungyoun's memory, the smell was not foreign to him.

his heart was aching as he looked around the room, nothing much changed. he still remembered every corner of the room. then he headed to look at the shelf filled with wooseok's old memories. his most precious items were stored there. yearbooks, childhood photos, birthday cards, gifts, every little thing wooseok treasured was there.

that's when seungyoun finally broke down. there was a picture of him and wooseok together. four years ago at their university. it was during their graduation day, which was also the day seungyoun had asked wooseok on their first date. he fell on the floor, hand on heart. it felt as if someone had stabbed him. tears pouring down his cheeks as he looked at the photo with blurred vision from his tears.

although wooseok knew that he wouldn't have seungyoun back, he always treasured him most. that's why he kept the photo up on his shelf, and even if seungyoun would have moved on from him, he'd still care about him. the fact that they both didn't stay friends after their breakup was what hurt wooseok most. the fact that everything ended along with their relationship.

the night that they ended it all, wooseok stayed up in his room, sobbing onto his bed sheets. he was basically drowning in his own tears. his heart ached and it was extremely hard for wooseok to continue living as if nothing happened. his eyes would get puffy and red, dark circles would also form under it. wooseok's co-workers and friends were all so worried about him. especially seungyoun and wooseok's bestfriend, seungwoo.

seungwoo's pain was something else. it was shocking when he first heard that they called it quits. obviously like any friend, he went to comfort both of them. seungwoo would visit seungyoun regularly because he knew that even if seungyoun seems like a sunshine on the outside, when he's hurt, the pain pierces into the deepest parts of his heart and completely breaks him. on other days, seungwoo would come over to wooseok to help him get through tough nights after a stressful work day. wooseok would constantly rant about his annoying boss, or sometimes cry over seungyoun and drink until he was over his limit. seungwoo was the best friend the both of them could ever ask for. what hurt seungwoo most was that he didn't know what to do and to see his friends suffer like that, made him feel useless. the least he could do was just...to help them get through this tough period of their lives.

———

next to the photo was an envelope. the envelope was a normal white one with black ink written on the front.

"to seungyoun, from wooseok."

seungyoun grabbed the envelope and touched the ink, tracing the letters of each word. he opened it carefully, not damaging any part of it. inside was a letter. not just any normal letter, it held all of wooseok's thoughts and wishes for seungyoun. there was two letters, one from a week after their breakup and one a few days before wooseok passed away. seungyoun opened the older-looking letter. it's not its original white color, a shade darker with a small rip on the edge.

———

november 3, 2018

it's been a week and a few days ever since we broke up, and i'm not even sure if you'll get to read this letter but i just couldn't keep my feelings to myself. i think i might end up being desperate than i already am if i keep it to myself.

i'm broken seungyoun, i'm so broken. it feels like my heart has been ripped out. it's so hard for me to pretend like everything is okay and to continue living as if nothing happened.

i haven't seen your face for almost forever and i miss the cuddles and kisses you give me everyday. no one's there to listen to my rants about my stupid boss. i mean yeah, seungwoo's here for me but it doesn't feel the same. no one's here to give me comfort when i need it. i miss your little kisses and cheers like "you got this, wooseok!" or "you're going to nail your presentation tomorrow!" when i'm working late at night to catch up on the millions of deadlines i have and prepare for a presentation. up until last week, i woke up every morning seeing your face, but now all i can do is shed a tear the moment i wake up to see that you’re not there anymore. the bed feels empty without you.

i haven't been doing well and my life has been a spiraling rollercoaster since last week. i've been getting drunk almost everyday and i know that it's not healthy for my body, mentally and physically, but what can i do when my heart aches like this? i gave you a part of my heart and you left me, you left me with only the remaining parts. i feel utterly incomplete without you.

i wonder if you've moved on. not to be selfish, but i hope you haven't. i think it would break me even more if you've moved on.

honestly, i was scared when we first got together but then i learned what love was because i was with you. now, i learn the consequences and bitterness of being in love. in the beginning, i promised myself not to be too committed to love. but love has its own ways to make sure you're a hundred percent in the game. i fell in it without knowing the aftermath. i loved you more than i loved myself. i gave you a part of me and you took it away. love takes hostages and it makes you vulnerable, like a piece of glass. i'm a victim of love, you are too. the best thing i can do right now is just continue on living and at least try to forget about you. it's hard, but i'll get through it.

i'm not mad or upset at you. you have reasons for breaking up with me. maybe you fell out of love? but i doubt it. you cried so hard when you said you wanted to end it, i refuse to believe that you don't love me anymore. maybe i'm selfish or maybe that's the truth. either way, i still love you.

from. wooseok

to the man who has a part of my heart, cho seungyoun

——

by now, seungyoun’s already stained his shirt with his tears. as he read each word, the more he felt like he was about break, the pain in his heart was nothing compared to the pain when they first broke up.

seungyoun’s hands trembled as they opened the second letter.

———

october 3, 2019

it’s been two years. i’ve been doing a bit better. got a new job (my new boss is amazing), found some really great friends. i have also made this routine of spending the weekends for myself, no work or anything. i usually go out with mom and treat like a princess for the whole day or hang out with my friends. i’ve been doing okay. i don’t know about you, perhaps you’ve found your perfect one? i haven’t, i still haven’t moved on from you. and even if i get myself a new boyfriend, i’m too scared that i’ll still be attached to you and not give him the love he deserves.

today i’m in my room suffering from my sickness. it’s been a week since i’ve gotten a flu and now it’s worse. the doctor said it should be gone by next week if i regularly take my medicine according to the dose she gives me.

on these sick days, you’d cook your famous soup for me and cuddle up to watch a movie with me (not actually paying attention to the screen and giving too much attention to each other), but there’s no one here. my friends are busy today and seungwoo said he has to go visit his cousin in jeju-do.

honestly, i feel like i’m gonna die with all these tissues next to me. if i do, please visit me regularly at my grave (lmao not like you’d care but). i’m just joking, i really hope i get better, it’s just a mild flu.

anyway, i sincerely hope you’re doing well, you deserve to be happy. i wonder how you’re doing sometimes. actually, i wonder everyday. did you get a new apartment? do you visit your parents often? how about your siblings? how’s work? little thoughts like that wind up in my head and even though i’m not with you, i constantly get worried. wishing all the best to you and your loved ones.

from. wooseok

to my ex boyfriend, cho seungyoun

———

“to my ex boyfriend, cho seungyoun”

wooseok had partly moved on from seungyoun, or maybe that’s what wooseok’s mind wanted him to think. cho seungyoun was now just an ex boyfriend to wooseok. their relationship fell apart the day they split. seungyoun merely remembers wooseok’s voice. but one thing he remembers is that he’d fall asleep to wooseok’s voice and wooseok in his arms. he _missed_ that.

seungyoun gripped the letter in his hand. wooseok’s _gone_, and there’s no way to get him back. how was he going to find happiness again when his happiness is now dead.

“what the hell, seok? you leave me then give me these letters?” seungyoun spoke as if wooseok was actually there.

all seungyoun wanted now was to be in wooseok’s arms, feeling his warmth wrapping around his frame. seungyoun just wanted to cry and cry until the pain would go away. seungyoun just wanted _his_ wooseok back. to love, to cry with, to smile with, to laugh with. sadly, that’ll never happen again. seungyoun has to accept _fate_ , the fate that wooseok won’t be here anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> yeayy!!! you made it to the end of the story! thank you so much for reading and i hope you enjoyed the story. feedback is very very very much appreciated.


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